A King's Night Out
by Karine1
Summary: With Arwen out of Gondor, Aragorn decides to visit a tavern he hasn’t been in in decades, dragging a reluctant Legolas with him.


**A King's Night Out**  
  
**By:** Karine  
  
**Rating:** PG   
  
**Disclaimer:** If I owned them, I wouldn't put them through those situations, I would do worse… *grins*  
  
**Summary:** With Arwen out of Gondor, Aragorn decides to visit a tavern he hasn't been in in decades, dragging a reluctant Legolas with him.  
  
**A/N:** This fic was written in answer to Halo's Squishy Challenge which is:  
  
_Your challenge is to write a pure humour fic, pre-FOTR.  
  
Rules:  
  
-Rating can be from G to PG-13, nothing above that.  
  
-The following lines must be in the story somewhere:  
  
"I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy."  
  
"What is it with men and asking for directions?!!"  
  
"Excuse me...little fella? We were wondering if..." "Aragorn...I don't think that's a little fella....."  
  
-Must have Aragorn and Legolas as the main characters. May also involve Twins, Elrond and Glorfindel if you want._  
  
I kind of bent the rule a bit and wrote a Post-WotR fic, what do you know, got to follow the plot bunnies ^_~.  
  
Anyway, on with the fic!  
  
**A King's Night Out**  
  
"Estel, I swear to Elbereth that if I hear you say "We're nearly there" one more time I am going to have to hurt you." Legolas hissed to the human.  
  
Today was a grand day for the new King of Gondor; it was the first time since his wedding that his Queen had decided to visit Faramir and Eowyn in Ithillien, thus leaving Aragorn free to have a "night out" as he had said so to Legolas. And since every report concerning the security of his realm had turned out to be perfect, it had reinforced Aragorn's arguments that Gondor could spare to have her King leave the safety of the Palace for a night.   
  
So Legolas had reluctantly agreed under one condition. They would go incognito, which meant that Aragorn should pick up his ranger outfit and that Legolas was to keep his hood up, because being the only elf in the city, Legolas didn't have the option of trying to blend in with the crowd.   
  
And so this is what brought Legolas and Aragorn out in one of the lowest levels of Minas Tirith, after having stealthily crept their way out of the Palace, looking for a tavern that Aragorn had been in when he had been in the city some twenty years ago.  
  
"But, we truly are nearly there…" Aragorn never got the time to finish his sentence as Legolas had chucked a malleable rock to his head and muttered something that sounded like "What is it with men and asking for directions?!!".  
  
"OW!" The King exclaimed, bending down to retrieve the object of his pain. After a death glare in his friend's direction, Aragorn absentmindedly put the rock in his pocket, turned back and practically yelled.  
  
"There it is!!"   
  
Legolas followed Aragorn's finger - the human was excitedly pointing at some building - and shuddered.   
  
The elf's eyebrows shot up when he noticed the name of the tavern, if it could be called that because to Legolas it nearly looked like a hut, which was "The Dirty Barrel". He was about to ask Aragorn why he had frequented such a place with a name like that, but quickly decided that it was probably better for his mind if he didn't know.  
  
Legolas didn't wander in his own thoughts for long, because Aragorn had already reached the door. So he swiftly walked over to him, fully intended on keeping his friend out of trouble; a task that would prove to be more difficult than it sounded.   
  
***A few hours later***  
  
Legolas was literally banging his head on the table, a display of how annoyed he was. Ever since their arrival in the tavern, they had taken a table in a dark corner and Aragorn had began to drink ale after ale, not listening when Legolas told him that he shouldn't drink like this. The result was an extremely drunk Aragorn with an extremely annoyed Legolas trying to hush him when he was talking too loudly or when he was about to say something that would have them being found out.  
  
"I'm getting another ale!" The man slurred and shot up, only to fall back on the chair.   
  
Legolas hid his snicker under a sudden cough and said,  
  
"Don't you think you had enough already mellon nin? I mean, look at yourself, you're drunk!"  
  
"I'm not drrrunk," Was the slurred answer.   
  
Legolas raised an eyebrow then shrugged.  
  
"Of course not," He said sarcastically then added. "Well, while you're doing that, I'm going to go get some fresh air."   
  
They rose together, Aragorn going more slowly than last time, and headed in their respective directions.   
  
***  
  
Legolas opened the door and let the fresh air of the night engulf him. By now he had become accustomed to living in a city of men, but that kind of place was one that he would never be able to. The air in taverns was so close that Legolas felt like he was choking.   
  
As he side stepped to avoid being tackled by another drunken man, he had to wonder at the fact that none of those in the tavern had recognized their King. True, he was not clad in his "kingly" clothes, but still that showed Legolas how indifferent men were often to others.   
  
Those thoughts were still whirling in the elf's head when he stepped in the despicable establishment and the sight that greeted him made his jaw fall to the ground. Aragorn, his best MARRIED friend, was dancing on a TABLE with some other woman. 'Or only because they would not think that their King would dance on a table' He sarcastically added to his previous train of thought.  
  
Legolas easily walked through the crowd, took his friend down from the table, led him to their own and brusquely sat him on his chair.   
  
Legolas eyed Aragorn for a minute then hissed,  
  
"You are so lucky that you're my best friend and that I'm not going to tell this to Arwen, because she would mutilate you if she found out you danced on a table with someone else."   
  
Aragorn, snapping out of his drunken stupor for a second, gulped and sent Legolas his most goofish looking grin in thanks.  
  
"Beside, you don't even know her! Last thing we need is for some man to start messing with you because you were with his "girl"."  
  
Aragorn snorted.  
  
"I bet she's no one "girl, and beside, I…I… can take anyone in this room!"  
  
Legolas groaned as he let his head fall into his hands. He could feel it, Aragorn was going to show himself off.  
  
As if on cue, Aragorn approached the closest man from their table, fully intended on asking everyone in the tavern about the girl.  
  
"Excuse me...little fella? We were wondering if..."  
  
But Legolas quickly cut him off from the table.  
  
"Aragorn...I don't think that's a little fella....."  
  
For the first time tonight, Legolas actually groaned out loud. Of all the men currently in the tavern, Aragorn had picked the only one that nearly matched a Troll in height. And it seems that that particular man didn't appreciate the interruption.   
  
"What do you want?" The man ferociously asked while poking Aragorn on the shoulder.   
  
'The glint' Legolas thought while rushing to his friend's side.   
  
Things were going to turn bad soon, because if there was one thing that the King hated, it was to be poked. And whenever someone did poke him, he got that "I'm going to kill you on the spot" glint. And Legolas highly doubted his friend's fighting ability in the state he was in.  
  
So the elf quickly got between the two, only to be fiercely shoved away by the troll like man.  
  
This is where Legolas' luck ran out, because as he was shoved away, he tripped on a chair and his back crashed against the wall, knocking his hood over and showing his blond hair and pointy ears off to everyone.   
  
Aragorn snapped his head to the side to look how his friend was faring and the other man decided attempt to strike him.  
  
"ARAGORN" Legolas yelled, the need for secrecy completely forgotten.   
  
Aragorn turned back to the man in time to see a fist standing an inch from his face, stop in mid air.   
  
It seemed that the man had heard the elf's cry and immediately realized that it was the King that stood before him. He fell to his knees and said.   
  
"Forgive me, My King. I had not realized that it was you."  
  
Legolas resisted the urge to rolls his eyes at the man. But, the crowd had heard his words, and the news that the King was in the tavern spread like wildfire.   
  
Aragorn opened his mouth to say something but Legolas would not risk his friend making a total idiot of himself in front of everyone. So after having put his hood back up, he quickly dragged Aragorn out of The Dirty Barrel and out in the streets.  
  
"Hey, what did you do that for?!?!" Aragorn asked angrily, "I was getting him!"   
  
Aragorn put his hand in his pockets and stomped off in the opposite direction of the Palace.   
  
Legolas groaned for what seem to be the hundredth time this night and ran after the man. When he reached him, he turned him back in the right direction and Aragorn resumed his stomping, oblivious to the fact that he had been turned around.   
  
He suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and took the rock that had been thrown at him earlier out of his pockets. Legolas had to stop as fast as him to avoid colliding into him.  
  
Legolas threw a worried glance at the man as he began to talk to himself. The elf was only picking up a few words, and one of them made his eyes widened.   
  
"Aragorn, what are you doing with this rock?" The elf asked, fearing the answer.  
  
Aragorn's eyes darkened and he hissed.  
  
"It's not a rock! It's my friend and I shall call him Squishy, and he shall be mine; he shall be my Squishy."  
  
Legolas groaned again. 'This is going to be a long way back to the Palace' He thought.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
Legolas slumped down on one of the many chairs in his friend's room and applied a cool cloth on his right eye.  
  
He was exhausted; the return trip to the Palace had gone nothing but wrong, up to the point where Legolas had been forced to carry his friend all the way to the Seventh level of the White City. This wouldn't have caused a problem if they hadn't been on the Second one when Aragorn had fainted.   
  
*~*~*~*  
  
Aragorn slowly opened his eyes, groaning as the sudden light assailed his eyes, making his headache increase tenfold.  
  
But, as soon as he saw the look on Legolas' face, he wished he hadn't woken up at all.   
  
The blond elf had murder in his eyes, one of them being surrounded by a huge black bruise, but that wasn't what was the scariest. The elf was currently smirking evilly, and when Aragorn took in his surroundings, he understood why.   
  
It seemed that Arwen had decided to come back earlier then she was supposed to and she now stood at the foot of her husband's bed, looking more pissed than Elrond when the twins had dyed his hair green and pink right before a big delegation of elves from all realms came to Rivendell. And even then, it was an understatement.   
  
"Legolas, if you would please leave the room so I can have a discussion with that." Arwen said, her voice cold and menacing.  
  
"Of course My Lady." Legolas bowed his head and with one last smirk toward Aragorn, he exited the room, closing the door after him. Instead of walking away, he glued his right ear to the door, not wishing to miss THAT conversation for all the gold in Arda.   
  
"You can imagine my surprise when one of your advisors greeted me this morning. He had quite a good story to tell me. From what he said, you got drunk in some tavern of the city, dragging Legolas with you." Legolas barely heard Arwen's hissed words.  
  
"But honey, I-"  
  
"DON'T YOU HONEY ME! I LEAVE FOR *ONE* NIGHT, *ONE* NIGHT ONLY, AND YOU CAN'T BEHAVE! YOU ARE SO GOING TO GET IT MISTER!"   
  
"I'm sorry I danced with a woman on a table, I know I-"  
  
"YOU DID *WHAT*?! Nooo, I did not know about that. You DANCED with ANOTHER WOMAN?!"  
  
Legolas was startled when he heard someone clear his throat. He turned back to see Elrond and the twins standing a few feet in front of him. And from the way they were looking, they had heard the argument.   
  
After the twins nearly pounced on their elven friend for answers, Legolas told them everything that had happened from when they left the Palace to now. Elladan and Elrohir were practically blue from laughing too much way before the end of the tale, while Elrond was growling at the antics of his adopted son, more so when he heard about the "table" incident.  
  
Arwen's yelling could be heard all throughout Legolas' tale, and she only stopped nearly an hour after she had began. The Lady then stomped out of the room, completely oblivious to her father and brothers, followed by Aragorn, looking miserable.   
  
Aragorn went to follow his beloved but was stopped when Elrond walked to stand in front of him, blocking his path.  
  
"So, you DANCED with another woman while my daughter was not home…."  
  
**The End****  
  
*****GASP* I actually wrote a fic completely devoid of pain and torture and cliffie and …. *faint in shock*  
  
**


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